July 14, 2025
No one plans on getting divorced. We marry with the hope that love will last, but sometimes it doesn't always work out that way. Work, kids, stress, and unmet expectations can slowly erode the connection that once felt unshakable.
In the context of divorce, the old proverb that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure couldn’t be truer. Proactive communication is that ounce of prevention. For some couples, it can prevent avoidable divorces, and when divorce does proceed, it can prevent nasty legal battles and harm to loved ones.
That proactive communication is what we’re covering in this article. The key conversations to have before divorce we outline here range from conversations to have to determine if your marriage can be saved, as well as conversations to have if you’re set on divorcing.
But first, let’s go over some of the signs that you might be ready for divorce.
It’s worth pausing before you take any definitive steps toward divorce. Take the time to reflect on your relationship and if divorce is the right path. Here are some signs it may be time to consider ending your marriage:
You’ve tried counseling but still feel stuck or disconnected
There’s ongoing emotional or physical abuse
You don’t feel safe, respected, or heard
You’re staying together only for the kids or finances
Ultimately, you need to ask yourself two important questions as you contemplate divorce. The first is, is the relationship worth saving? And second, what will life after divorce be like?
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Having the right conversations with the right people can help ease the process of divorce. Choosing some trusted advisers—a "divorce team," if you will—can help you discover the answers to important questions regarding your divorce.
Not all troubled marriages are doomed. Before moving forward with a divorce, consider whether the relationship might be worth repairing. If there’s still mutual respect and both partners are willing to put in the work, reconciliation could be possible.
Open and honest conversations with your spouse is the crucial first step. These discussions might reveal a path toward rebuilding. If you’re unsure where to start, couples therapy or marriage counseling can be powerful tools to assess your relationship.
Related: 5 Tips to Peacefully Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce
Therapy can help clarify your decision making and support your wellbeing throughout the process. In some cases, couples therapy can even help prevent a divorce. According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, almost 75% of couples report improvements in their relationship after couples therapy.
Speaking with a licensed therapist is one of the most helpful steps you can take, whether you want to repair your marriage or cope with a divorce. A marriage therapist can help you:
Identify root causes of conflict disconnection
Learn communication tools to repair the relationship
Cope with feelings of fear, guilt, or uncertainty
Clarify whether your issues are solvable or signs of deeper incompatibility
If your partner won’t go, go alone. Prioritizing your mental health will help you better navigate whatever comes next with clarity.
Our friends are our best resources for seeing our lives from a neutral perspective. Mentors, family, and support groups can also offer insight and emotional grounding. Ask them:
Have they noticed warning signs in your relationship?
Do they see patterns, like substance abuse or domestic violence, that you’ve normalized?
Whether from a trusted friend or family member, having an outside perspective can often bring clarity during emotionally complex times.
Getting legal advice is always a good idea before a big life decision like divorce. An initial conversation with a family law attorney can help you make an informed decision and provide necessary professional guidance.
Related: Interviewing Family Law Attorneys? 9 Key Questions To Ask
This can be a frightening prospect at first, but a divorce lawyer will talk through your situation and provide the information that is applicable to you and your circumstances. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re committing to divorce, just that you’re getting informed. A qualified attorney can help you understand:
How property might be divided
Likely child custody and support arrangements
What divorce will cost and how to pay for it
Estate planning is one of those life tasks that we put off too easily. Divorce is a major life change, and your estate plan needs to reflect that. Meet with an estate planning attorney to update your will, powers of attorney, and healthcare directives. You should also change beneficiary designations and life insurance or retirement accounts.
You don’t have to wait until your divorce is finalized to start making some of these updates. The sooner you update your estate plan, the sooner you can be sure it reflects your wishes.
Read more: How Does Divorce Affect Estate Planning in Oregon+Washington?
Divorce is expensive. The average cost of divorce in the U.S. ranges from $15,000 to $20,000, with litigation driving costs significantly higher. Most families can’t really afford to divorce and maintain the same lifestyle afterward. It costs more to maintain two households. As a result, your life after divorce is likely to be more financially constrained, at least initially.
A financial planner can help you understand how you will live on less. They can help you build a post-divorce budget and plan for taxes, retirement, and housing transitions.
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It’s scary to confront the possibility of divorce, but it’s a lot easier if you have proper support and the right conversations. Start having conversations now. Speak with your partner, your friends, lawyers, and anyone else who can help support and guide you through the big decisions that lie ahead.
If you would like to learn more about the divorce process, any one of our divorce attorneys can help. If you are ready to schedule an appointment with a family law lawyer in Oregon or Washington, please call 503-227-1515 for a Portland divorce attorney, or a Vancouver attorney at 360-823-0410.
